Sunday, April 27, 2008
Audrey Caroline, and my personal story.
Here it is, about 7 min 'til 1:00 am. Jumped online around 9:00 to check up on friends and read some e-mails, and yes, I am still here. Many of my close friends know that Josh and I have been trying to add a baby to our family for over a year now, to no avail. Fertility attempts and months have passed with no luck. We had the decision to begin more invasive procedures, but after thinking about it long and hard I decided that I just wasn't ready (not that I wasn't ready for the baby, but that I wasn't ready for the procedures). I have thought about it a lot. A part of me wants to do it. I can smell my new baby. But another part of me is, or was (I am now so embarrassed to say it) Mad! I don't really know why. I have two beautiful babies that are my life, literally. I live for them. Why am I being so selfish? How could I be mad at someone who has blessed me with so much. It is so ironic that I would come across this story today because at lunch I told josh that I was thinking about trying IUI this month. He was kindof taken by suprise, and honesty so was I. I had just taken another pregnancy test the night before and it is such a gut wrenching feeling to see that big fat negative line. I guess that is what got me motivated. But then I would think about it and I would just want to give up on it all. You know, like how kids pout when they don't get their way. "Fine, if I can't get pregnant on my own, I just won't have another baby." Then tounight, I happened to run across a good friend's blog (Bro Mick, to those of you who know). He had a link to the most mind changing story I have ever read. My sleeves are soaking wet from tears falling for 2 hours straight. I have never read a more motivating story in all my life, and it could not have come at a better time. It is the most beautiful story of a journey through pregnancy written by a young mom. The story always hits harder when you can relate. It has definately lifted my thoughts. After I am done posting this link I am going to hug my sleeping babies. We truly are so blessed. When you have a couple of free hours and need a good cry, visit www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com
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16 comments:
Tisha I was just talking to Brittney and she told me to check out your blog so I can get the link of that moms story. I will have to check it out, as weird as it is one thing that I enjoy about all of this blog stuff is seeing stories like this. This past weekend I have come acrossed these blogs with their children born with heart defects or have had cancer and so forth. Not that I enjoy reading someone elses pain, but I think it helps you come to terms with all of your blessings. We all have trails that differ from each other and I have been in your same shoes mad or upset that I am not getting the answer I think we need or should be getting, but I guess that is when our Faith comes in... How blessed we are for the understanding of trails in our lives. I feel so sad for those that don't believe what we do, I honestly wonder how people make throughout their day with no religon and faith. Thanks for the stroy, you never know who will come acrossed it that is in your same shoes that can relete with this trail that can be uplifted by your positive spirit. Sorry for the novel...
I am sorry you've been having such a tough time. I understand because we've been trying for 2 years with 2 miscarriages and it sucks. And my period is irregular so I am always thinking I might be pregnant but it's always just a waste of a pregnancy test. I am not even excited to try anymore...I mean if I do get pregnant I don't think I'll be excited till the baby is in my arms!!! But at the same time I am so grateful for the two I have -- my sister couldn't have kids and tried everything under the sun for 10 years. So if this is all I ever have I will be happy. I am not ready to cry right now, but I will read that story after bedtime. Thanks for sharing@ I love you!
Trisha, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I had no idea you have been trying for so long. I too have to stop and look at my blessings. Sometimes I complain that my life is so hard because I had two babies so close together, but then I have to stop and think how lucky I am to even have them. Thanks for reminding me once again. I hope for the best for you because I just love you.
Trisha, I have been through all the fertility stuff and I totally relate. It is like an emotional rollercoaster for both of you. I went through almost every kind of procedure, which took nearly 3 years. I hope I don't sound all preachy, but after blessing after blessing and visits, surgery, procedures, hearing there was no chance except INVITRO, $20,000, I felt like giving up. We had a family fast and through the spirit both me and my dad felt that id I went and did initiatories at the temple my body would be made whole enough to concieve. I went 2 to 3 times a week because I had no doubt that our Heavenly Father felt I had humbled my self completely through my trials, and felt I could handle no more. I concieved within 6 weeks, on my own, and I have no fallopian tubes. What a miracle, but I think we are all entitled to the same blessings. I will keep you both in my prayers, but try it. Initiatories help those who have not yet recieved them, but it blesses our bodies too., love ya!!!
Hi Trisha,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so hard when you want to get pregnant so bad and for some reason it is just not happening. Rex and I miscarried our first pregnancy and that was extremely hard. We thought, Well we got pregnant so it shouldn't be too hard to get pregnant again right? Wrong. It took us 8 months before we got pregnant with Everett. During those months I would find myself crying all the time and being mad at Heavenly Father. Then, one day I realized what I was doing and that I needed to change my attitude because He has blessed us with so much and that I needed to worry about others. The next month I was pregnant. I hope you don't think that I am trying to tell you what to do by relating my story, but I in a way know what you guys are going through and how hard it is. I just hope it happens for you soon, because you guys are great people and great parents and would take great care of another baby!
Hey. We have talked about the trying to get pregnant thing alot.. I remember when i hit the "mad" point. It was one of the lowest points in my life. I am so sorry that it has been such a long road for you. I can say that I sort of know what you are going though, and I know that no advice can make you feel better..But the only advice I have is lean on Josh, and pray pray pray. Someone wise once told me that we are not the only ones that need to be ready, our little angels have certain tests and missoins they have to complete before they are worthy to join us. When I realized it might not just be me being broken, it made me a little happier. Keep your head up. You are a special person, and a wonderful mother who I know God will bless you with many more children, just show him you have the faith!
hey trish, tawni told me to check out your blog and i'm so sorry you have to go through this. i've yet to have these challenges personally (it makes me feel bad that i complain about the 9 months it took to get each of the ones i have) but i do know many people that have dealt with these same things. we'll keep you guys in our prayers.
You are in our prayers! I am so sorry you are having such a struggle! I cried my eyes out watching that video. Made me look at my kids differently! (for the rest of the day anyway). Hang in there. I can tell you have a lot of faith, and that is what is so important. Don't ever lose that. Let me know if you need anything!
That last comment was me.
Trisha a few months ago I ran into your mom and she had told me that you guys had been trying for a while now with no luck. I work in a gynecology office and she does infertility and she's excellent! I would love to talk to you more about this if you have any questions or even want to give a new doctor a try. Please just let me know! We are praying for you guys!
Trisha I have something very private and personal I would like to talk to you about will you e-mail me at katie_winkler@hotmail.com
It's crazy how life works Trisha. You do what you feel comfortable with. I have a friend who is going through the same thing. She's trying to get pregnant with another one and is struggling...
Just keep praying and we'll see what God has in store for you.
Love ya girl!
You will defiantly be in our prayers. I ache when I hear stories like yours. It makes me so sad when there are good families like yours who would be wonderful parents to a dozen kids and they can't get those kids here. I pray it works out for you soon, and know that you have a lot of people supporting you~
this was so sad. but what a neat family. im sorry its been taking so long for your next baby. dang it anyways! there is this chiropracter in ogden that might be able to help. sounds weird but he does allergy treatments and a few of my friends that couldn't concieve went to him and they were preg like the next month. its worth a try, cuz its not expensive or painful. Dr. Skaggs in ogden. he does NAET treatments. he cured me of my sun allergy. .he just figures out whats wrong and fixes it. i don't know if it would help but its worth a try, cuz you make such cute babies!
Trisha, I loved this story, I bawled hysterically. Yes, I would love to take some pix for your web site, that would be fun! Let me know.
You're one of my favorites...
:)
Bro. M
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